Sex Criminals #5

"Going Down"
written by Matt Fraction
art by Chip Zdarsky

So, Suzie walks in on Jon taking a shit in his boss's office plant, and—like that!—the honeymoon is over.  The relationship isn't, but for the first time in their brief affair, shame—or something like it—enters into it.

Jon, it turns out, suffers from ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and though he spent years medicated to regulate his moods, it left him feeling numbed and disinterested.  So now he attempts to divert his unruly tendencies into healthy activities—like exercise—and a few more or less manageable, but nevertheless petty, anger outlets—like laying his daily dump in his imperious boss's plant.  He's also unduly reckless, refusing to heed the "sex police's" entirely unsubtle warnings not to rob the bank.

So, yes.  The "sex police," a trio of (apparently) self-appointed regulators led by a particularly supercilious matriarch, a daytime police dispatcher and nighttime soccer mom, who refers to Suzie and Jon as "children."  It's not that our protagonists aren't criminals.  They are.  It's not that they shouldn't be stopped, not only because robbing banks—even to save a library—is wrong but also because it threatens to expose their time-stopping sex gift.  It should.  But damn if the white-clad "sex police" aren't the most self-righteous, unhelpful and conniving bunch of meddlesome thugs imaginable.  Sure, "kegelface" called in to the police, but instead of snapping Suzie and Jon out of the quiet—like she ultimately did to them to get away—so that they could face real arrest and prosecution, they kidnapped the couple themselves.  Vigilante sex justice.

In Suzie's own words, "Our worlds had just gotten bigger and smaller at the same time" (Sex Criminals #5: 21).  The couple make their escape, with the cellphone of "kegelface," but they're now on the run, perhaps from the actual authorities, and they have only a brief glimpse of the world they've stumbled into.