Sex Criminals #7

"Break, Enter"
written by Matt Fraction
art by Chip Zdarsky

Rachel was easily the most displeasing casualty of Suzie and Jon's whirlwind sex and nearly crime spree.  Good common sense was maybe a close second.  So when Suzie runs into her old roommate in particularly humiliating circumstances—chasing a runaway muffin down a city street...and still eating it—their reconciliation over shared sex secrets—Suzie's time-stopping orgasms and Rachel's super-queef—is incredibly satisfying.  It's also a relief to have Rachel in the know.  And she takes it with such remarkable equilibrium, even if it takes Suzie drawing dicks all over her face in the Quiet.

But, despite the revelation, this is Jon's issue.  It's amazing that teenage Jon can be simultaneously as creepy and sincerely touching as he is.  He spent nearly his entire sophomore year of high school leering at beautiful transfer Jennibeth Monroe, jacking off in the darkroom, and taking pictures of folks caught in Cumworld.  He was, and still is, a little disquieted by his lusty thoughts run amok.

"I swear, the velocity and intensity of deviant thoughts that race through my head in the lead-up to coming absolutely startles me when I think back on it."  (Sex Criminals #7: 9)

But then he finds himself actually looking at people, including sexy Jennibeth, and it facilitates a connection with them that his hormones and social awkwardness wouldn't normally allow.  By removing the pressures of being seen looking, he's able to start seeing people and "they were all beautiful in some way" (10), and Jon started falling a little in love because they were just people.  Voyeuristic, yes.  Invasive, probably.  But in this stasis he was able to start seeing them.

Frustrated and infuriating by the Sex Police and their vengeful retaliation against Suzie and the library, Jon decides to commit felony breaking and entering.  Kegelface.  Minivan-driving Myrtle Spurge.  She and her family seem unremarkable, until Jon finds their sex-dungeon basement and its truly impressive array of sex toys.  There's a metaphor there.  But it's the file cabinet, four drawers of files on folks just like them.  When he's interrupted by the bus driver who hit him over the head with a dildo at the bank, Jon goes on the attack, and this time the upper hand is his.  In the end, he ties him up with sex paraphernalia, leaves him in a park, and steals as much from the file cabinet as he can carry.  Yeah, he fucked up.  Mostly.  And Rachel heard it all.