Sex Criminals #3

"My Sexual Errors and Misfortunes: 2001 - Present"
written by Matt Fraction
art by Chip Zdarsky

So when Fraction mentions in the "Fat Bottomed Girls" lyrics cover-up that "we've now hit our male lead in the face with a dildo" (Sex Criminals #3: 16), I assumed they meant Jon and Suzie's playful romp around Cumworld (the store, not that thing they do), but by the final page I was no longer sure.  That's the whimsical genius of Sex Criminals: I'm not sure which time Jon gets hit in the face with a dildo Fraction's actually referring to

Well, Jon's first time having sex was awkward.  Yeah, awkward.  If the dark, crooning shadow of the toothy singer Esteban wasn't actually lurking over his shoulder the whole time, he might as well have been.  Between his panic at Cara's abrupt over-attachment—"I love you" (4) after at most only two weeks—and the tragic soundtrack, Jon's disappointment about his first time seems warranted, but his desperation at finding himself alone in "Cumworld" again and feeling broken because of it is genuinely sad.  Thus begins Jon's search for someone...anyone, really...who might not leave him alone after sex.

It all makes Jon and Suzie's flirtation the sweeter.  Jon's stammering explanation to Suzie for why he chose to bring her to Cumworld (the store, again) is awkwardly charming:  "I suppose I just feel like, you know—this place, it's a part of all that stuff and... ...I told you a lot of stuff over the weekend and, I don't know, I told you almost everything, y' know?  And you didn't make me feel dirty or weird or wrong..." (13).  Suzie's censored pool hall musical number makes Jon's affection for her completely justifiable.  But Jon's hare-brained scheme to rip off his bank employer and save Suzie's struggling library, the moment of inspiration that sparked their troublesome predicament with the all-white trio, makes his good-hearted recklessness a little less appealing.